We were all born from it. This warm silent light shining in amongst the swaying branches of trees in an eternal black night. I see my mother smiling, stars gently shining, tears roll down my cheeks as I realise that all the seeking has brought me back to this, silence. I rest inside this gentle, warm pulsing stillness, that so slowly resonates, my eyes opening wider. I look into the surface of water and see her smiling back at me, oceans and sun-rays, mountains and delicate snow flakes, an open sky like open eyes, she welcomes me home into her…silence.
As I began to write this piece on silence in a local pub on my laptop a young eastern European woman approaches me at my table asking for money in a strange manner by showing me a menu. I am taken by surprise, about 20 minutes later I realise that she has stolen my mobile phone. I smile, the smile swiftly turns to laughter, as I realise I am being invited deeper into silence. My distractions are being stolen.
So I continue on with life and this piece of writing…how does one convey the power and impact of silence with words? Maybe I can just begin sharing with you firstly the impact that silence is beginning to have in my own life and then move on to how silence can be used as a tool for powerful speaking and being in your own lives?
For so much of my youth I have spent so much energy seeking. Seeking for highs, for godly experiences, for extreme adventures, new landscapes, experiencing the wonders of the world, seeking to find some different way of being with myself where I can finally feel some peace from the inner conflicts that have so plagued me. Silence and stillness were not as available to me as they are now becoming. These days of seeking are slowly fading away and in their place silence and deep stillness begin to slowly take up residence within me. As I turn more inwards, not seeking for so much outside of myself I begin really relaxing into life, available to receive her gifts more fully. I am no longer blocking her gifts out of fear of losing control, as I now recognise there is no control to lose and I celebrate that. It has been a long road to get here and there is still a long way to go yet. To arrive where? I don’t know, just here and now I suspect. As I begin to trust in silence, as I begin to trust in stillness, as I begin to trust in something bigger than all of us, I am slowly carried & it is my strength to hold back and just continue to notice where I am being taken that deepens my relationship to silence and to myself. So often in the past my enthusiasm, vision and future-mind would hi-jack these deeper movements and either try to take them further too quickly or reject them altogether in place of something that I desire more strongly. It is time to listen more deeply in my life and move beyond desire. Beyond desire there lies a powerful destiny. Desire presents an opportunity to hold back, let myself be held and healed by something bigger and drop deeper into true being. Whether it be sexual desire or any other kind of desire, it is all just a distraction to take us out of ourselves but not only, it also offers us the opportunity to integrate consciousness, to engage in healing and to grow into a type of living that wants for nothing and needs nothing. Desire is the doorway. Silence, stillness and benevolent spaciousness abundant with the fruits of total living is what can be found beyond this door. So lets not get so excited by the door, as so many of us do so very often.
What happens when from this space of accepting that I don’t know what comes next, trusting in this deeper space that is opening up before me, I just allow myself to become aware of words falling into my awareness? What happens when I deeply honour the power of silence and stillness and from this space I begin allowing words to speak themselves through me, without any pre-planning or preconceived ideas? What happens when I show up totally in the silence, really being with myself and everyone who is present? Embodied Speaking is what happens. When we begin to deepen our relationship with silence and stillness, this power will begin to communicate itself in our speaking, in our relating and throughout our lives. Our presence, fluid self-confidence, happiness and peacefulness will feed us over and over again. Yes sometimes the silence will take us to places that are uncomfortable, to places that are hard to feel and experience, let us learn to reach out for support when we need it, to remember how safe we are, to remember that through sharing our pain we not only become stronger but we become an inspiration to others. In a world so full of suffering and unresolved pain, we need to all step into leadership roles and shine the way forward with the light of our inner silence and willingness to show up no matter what. Lets all have the humility to receive support from one another and the courage to step up & speak our deepest truths. Listening with our eyes, lets all find true connection and trust that deep beauty and magic will begin to occur simply through waiting in silence.